As a kid, I was a huge fan of Jean Shepherd, and his warm, fuzzy, nostalgia-drenched stories, with their gently warped sense of humor. Years later, I was more of a P.J. O’Rourke and David Sedaris kind of fan, because they put a bit more bite behind their chuckles. So here, with a nod to those three class clowns who thankfully never outgrew being class clowns, are two dozen microstories. Each one takes about as long to read as it takes to listen to a doo-wop song. And this will never be an audiobook, so you won’t have to listen to any of my off-key singing. Some of these stories dive into oddities that include the hidden spiritual connection between being pooped on by a seagull and winning the lottery, two crazed Russians at a bachelor party fighting like wet cats, selected rants about ostentatious foodies and overpriced naming consultants, and dumb questions like “Do clouds die?” and of course, the title story. The Amazon Book Description tool says I have 3077 characters left to write here, so let me list a few of the celebrities who have not read this book, to the best of my knowledge: Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, Donald Duck, Ronald McDonald, Kim Kardashian, Kanye West, Adam West, Bruce Wayne, Fiorello LaGuardia, Boss Tweed, Eleanor Roosevelt, Laura Bush, Mrs. Doubtfire, Mrs. Butterworth, or Camilla Parker-Bowles. An unconfirmed rumor has Jenny Craig downloading a sample at a Southwest gate, but my sources say her flight was called before she could complete the download.