A guy walks into a bar with a duck on his head. Bartender says, “Can I help you?” Ducks says, “Yeah, can you get this guy off my ass?” That’s the legend, anyway, but the facts, and what happened later, are more complicated. I ought to know because I’m that duck– Mr. Mister Odysseus Duck, and yes that’s two misters. The bartender is a real loser named Jake Singleton, and the first part of the book, They Called Him Mister,is narrated by him. He spends his whole life slicing limes to put into bottles of Coronas and acting like a real serving wench. I kick his ass over and over to teach him aprofound Zen lesson, which I hope he profits from, but he never learns. He thinks he’s hot shit on a silver platter, but he’s really cold boogers on a paper plate. The second part of the book, Bernie, Jake, and Mister Go To Town, is narrated by Bernie Rosenbaum, accountant turned performance artist, and he’s the guy who’s head I ride around on. They compare him to Buster Keaton in the Times, but I know for a fact he’s not funny. And if you think I’m gonna give away any plot points about that, gentle reader, you can go sit on a rocket and do twirls. But I’ll give you a hint. Someone who’s really asking for it has something bad happen to him in a comedic way. The third part of the book, My Extraordinary Rendition,is narrated by me, and that’s of course the mostingenious part of the book. It’s about how I triumph as the world’s best insult comic and champion of the game of pool. And how I own any town I’m in, and how every town is in that sense Ducktown. What is the nature of reality, you may ask, after reading this book. I’m growing tired of you, gentle reader, and I haven’t even met you yet!
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